How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Feeling Guilty

Dr. Larry Goodman - Your coaching catalyst

People-pleasing is a habit that often starts in childhood and follows us into adulthood, affecting our relationships, careers, and mental well-being. Many of my coaching clients come to me feeling trapped in this cycle, saying “yes” to everything—even when it exhausts them—because the guilt of saying “no” feels unbearable.

Recently, I worked with a client, Sarah (name changed for privacy), who was struggling with this very issue. She was a successful professional, a devoted mother, and the friend everyone relied on. But behind the scenes, she was overwhelmed, frustrated, and quietly resentful. She had spent years making sure everyone else was happy, but in the process, she had completely lost herself.

The Root of People-Pleasing

In our first session, I asked Sarah a crucial question:

"What happens when you say no?"

She hesitated. “I feel like I’m letting people down,” she admitted.

That’s where we began our work—unpacking why she felt responsible for other people’s emotions and expectations. We uncovered that, as a child, she was praised for being “easygoing” and “helpful,” and any attempt to set a boundary was met with disappointment or even punishment. Over time, she learned that her value was tied to making others happy.

Sound familiar? Many people-pleasers operate under the belief that saying “no” makes them bad, selfish, or unlovable. But the truth is, constantly neglecting your own needs doesn’t make you a good person—it makes you an exhausted one.

The Turning Point: Releasing the Guilt

One of the biggest hurdles Sarah faced was guilt. Every time she thought about setting a boundary, she felt physically uncomfortable—tight chest, racing heart, and a nagging voice in her head saying, What if they get mad? What if they don’t like me anymore?

We worked through a key mindset shift:

Guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re doing something different.

This was a game-changer. I explained that guilt is simply a conditioned response. Her brain had been wired to believe that her worth came from pleasing others. Every time she put herself first, that old programming kicked in.

But instead of letting guilt control her, she learned to acknowledge it, question it, and choose a response aligned with her well-being.

Practical Strategies to Stop People-Pleasing

Here are the exact steps I guided Sarah through—and that you can use, too:

1. Identify Your Patterns

Before you can change a habit, you have to recognize it. Sarah kept a journal for a week, writing down every time she said “yes” when she wanted to say “no.” This helped her see how often she was putting others ahead of herself.

2. Get Comfortable with Discomfort

The first time Sarah set a boundary, she panicked. But we worked on breathing exercises, reframing her thoughts, and understanding that temporary discomfort was part of growth. Each time she practiced, it got easier.

3. Use Clear and Simple Boundaries

I coached her on using assertive yet kind language. Instead of over-explaining, she practiced responses like: 🔹 “I appreciate the invite, but I can’t make it this time.” 🔹 “I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now.” 🔹 “That doesn’t work for me, but thank you for thinking of me.”

4. Reprogram the Fear of Disappointing Others

We did deep mindset work, challenging her belief that people would be angry or abandon her if she set boundaries. In reality, the people who truly cared about her respected her decisions.

5. Replace Guilt with Self-Compassion

Instead of beating herself up, Sarah practiced self-talk like: ✅ “Taking care of myself helps me show up better for others.” ✅ “I’m allowed to prioritize my needs.” ✅ “Saying no doesn’t make me a bad person—it makes me an honest one.”

The Breakthrough Moment

After just a few weeks, Sarah had a major breakthrough. A friend asked her for a last-minute favor that would have completely drained her. Normally, she would have dropped everything to help. But this time, she paused. She took a breath. And she said, “I can’t today, but I hope you find someone who can.”

The world didn’t end. Her friend didn’t explode in anger. Instead, they simply said, “Okay, no worries.”

And just like that, Sarah realized she had spent years sacrificing herself for fears that weren’t even real.

What You Get in 6 Weeks of Coaching with Dr. Goodman

If you’re stuck in the cycle of people-pleasing and struggling with guilt, I can help you break free. My 6-week coaching program is designed to help you:

✅ Identify and release the root causes of people-pleasing ✅ Set clear, guilt-free boundaries ✅ Overcome the fear of disappointing others ✅ Build self-worth from within instead of seeking approval ✅ Develop confidence in saying no and standing your ground ✅ Reprogram old patterns and step into your power

Imagine living a life where you make decisions based on what YOU truly want—not out of fear, guilt, or obligation.

You deserve that freedom.

💡 Are you ready to reclaim your time, energy, and confidence? Let’s work together.

📲 Start your transformation today: www.goodmanfactor.com